Listen More Than You Speak, Then Speak Less Than When You Listened

As things go, I'm fairly proud of the relationship I've developed with my daughters. They're in middle school, and my triggers keep their retorts down too, "You annoy me, Dad, so much. Shit!" I've kept my remarks to once a week, but this will ramp up considerably once they're amorous.

People have told me I'm terrible for annoying my daughters. Gen to-the-end-of-the-Alpha Z with a pristine uterine lining. All intact because she's taking control of her sanctuary with that flying buttress IUD. Look, I do, and will, annoy the shit out out of my kids. I'm their parent. I am not their friend. Most difficult transactions in life are accomplished after developing trust. And trust begins with building relationships. That begins at home.

The truth is, we annoy each other. Our opinions test boundaries. They were nine or ten years old when they began to scrutinize the integrity of my emotional bubble. On the surface these were negligible incursions. Tests of my reaction to various circumstances. Though, frankly, most seemed like ridiculous situations. But then one day, one of my daughters asked if I would "actively listen" to a problem she was having. I felt like I should listen. Let me rephrase this situation:

My teen daughter asked her male parent to actively listen to a story. This is an irreplaceable, intangible moment. An audible gift, if you will.

Situations like these will likely take us completely by surprise. We'll be just as unaware that the scrutiny children employ not only tests boundaries, it may buttress the bridge of the parent-child relationship. Conversely, our behavior is also enough to keep them willing or unwilling to speak up again.

Here's what I find the hardest to remember; emotional storms are part of every adolescent's journey into adulthood. This is not a working hypothesis, yet one I must be reminded of, at least once a week. But, I digress. Frustration is completely normal, and observable in every warm-blooded teen.

So, just what did my daughter want to talk to me about? Look, I'm not that inept. The important take away is that she, and her sister, have been approaching me with more topics. More situations. Why? Because I'm listening. I'm not offering my opinion, unless I'm asked. Yet, even then, I facilitate what I call the wise-choice process. Hard to do when all I want to do is fix everything for them.

Be sure to check back soon when I approached the topic of sexting with my daughters.