The HYP Starts Early

So, when your kids grow up in an Asian community, there are a few foundational expectations. No, not everyone must come with rice in their lunch. That's ridiculous. Most days, it's noodles. Gosh, now I'm all off-topic.

The topic that needs to retire from a cultural obsession is this after-school tutoring. Especially those parents who really find zen by bragging, “It’s so hard to keep my kids interested in Saturday school and all their tutors.” First, let me give you a bit of context. After the traditional school day, many Asian children continue on by attending tutoring. Then, on the weekend, they go to what's called, Saturday school. Do me a favor, though. Keep this shit between you and your therapist. Your kid won't match up. Get over it. But, they also won't be saddled with indecisiveness and anxiety. (That's for another blog.)

Look, my children are hapa, Hawaiian and Chinese. They are constantly vacillating between a lifestyle of le 'ale 'a, or fun, and the whoosh of their tiger mom's words, "Nulì gōngzuò!" So, when a very self-assured, annoying Asian mom started a conversation with me, I was hesitant to extend much more than pleasantries with her. My daughters were in transitional kindergarten at the time, and I immediately recognized this mom. She is what we often refer to as the HYP mom. That Harvard, Yale, Princeton (HYP) mom. She only sees Ivy League universities as the option for future success.

“Do you have your daughters’ in Saturday school?”

“Oh, no. We spend Saturdays together as a family.”

“Wait, don’t you want your daughters to be successful and marry well?”

“Yes, but I’d rather they be well-rounded.”

“Maybe you say that because your daughters aren’t smart.”

My daughters are in a school that constantly challenges them. Anyway, whether or not my kids spend countless hours being tutored still doesn’t guarantee they are going to be successful in life. As a matter of fact, for the vast majority of Asians, meritocracy comes to an abrupt end after college. I know some exceptionally gifted 30 and 40-year-olds who still live with mommy and daddy, and I also know some really average adults who come into positions where they tell all of us what to do. So my philosophy goes something like this: growing kids who are ultimately happy, healthy, and productive. What a concept, right?

In my experience, success first requires failure, goals and an action plan, perseverance, and solid self-confidence. I’m not raising Einsteins, I’m raising my own Kardashians. Yeah, I said it. But, guess what? They’ll be financially stable.

Just so you know, there are more than 4,500 colleges and universities with amazing choices for every learner across the United States.